I’ve often compared myself to Jonah. I run away, God brings me back. Over and over…
For quite some time, I’ve been happy sitting in the boat while the storm rages, the sun sets, the days come and the days go. I curl up at the bottom of the boat and let the rocking waves put me to sleep. I’m not alone. God is near. He is all around me. I have no fear, I know the battle is won. Nevertheless, while the bottom of the boat is cozy as can be, it’s not where I belong.
Lots has changed since the last time I’ve written. I am married, I am pregnant, I am right where I said I never wanted to be again.. in the center of church politics. I am happy, I am blessed.
The weeks roll by like passing thunder clouds and I question the reason for my existence. I always thought I knew what I was suppose to do in this life but now that concept is out of focus.
How does one go from the bottom of the boat, safe to stepping out into the water? Surely when Jonah was in the belly of the whale, he was not thinking… “good thing I turned myself in!”
Recently, a job opportunity arose, truly a dream job. An personal assistant to one of heroes. I applied but then declined the interview due to a pay decrease. I’m wrestling with the idea that I didn’t get out of the boat… or did I? What does it really look like to get out of the boat?
I’ve found my identity, I know who I am and who God says I am. My calling… ? Not sure. I know I’m called to more than the life I lead. I’m not talking about standing on stage preaching, writing music that changes the world… so on. I’m talking about the day to day.. in and out calling.
Am I the wife, step-mom, friend, the sister, daughter, co-worker that I am called to be? Absolutely not. Maybe getting out of the boat, taking a step of faith doesn’t look like what I envision in my head. Maybe getting out of the boat and following my calling looks like making sure my sisters know I how much I care about them each week with a simple call. Possibly being a better friend means actually texting people back. Maybe not wearing “busy” as a badge of honor and actually making time to see the people around me… looking at them when they talk to me.
What does it look like for you to get out of the boat, away from your safe spot and step into the person you were called to be?